The Big D

You didn’t ask, but here is an answer to the question: What does depression feel like (at least my experience of depression)? 

You wake up longing for the day to end so you can go back to bed;

You pick up a book- one you wanted to read and your mind refuses to engage with the words on the page;

All the negative things people have said about you throughout your life bounce around in your consciousness- no matter how hard you try to change the messages;

The To-Do list contains tasks you normally do easily but now they seem to be like climbing a mountain in flip-flops;

Spending time with people- even those who deeply love you- is exhausting;

Prayer is something you do just because you know you are supposed to…

I could go on, but these are the most prominent symptoms. I am slowly emerging from a period of depression. I take medication daily for my condition- and though it helps it cannot eliminate the disease. Many through the years have suggested therapies such as: Stop it!; pray harder, read your Bible more, trust God more deeply; and while those may be helpful to others they don’t always bring relief. 

So, pray for me- I know you do; and remember that people in your life who struggle with depression don’t necessarily need advice, they just want you to pray them through those times. Expressions of love are always appreciated- though there may be no visible response (I still need to hear it- even if it gets drowned out by the negative words spoken). Most of all, just being present is always helpful. Just be present. Listen, don’t judge, don’t offer platitudes, just listen!

Thanks for listening.

Keep on praying!




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5 responses to “The Big D

  1. We love you, Steve, and continue praying for you, Cindy, your kids, the church, and your incredible ministry to all of them.

    You know this already but I will just repeat it (sort of like a booster shot): The negative comments we receive give greater insight into the person expressing them than they do about us.


  2. I am touched by your candor. Thanks for your willingness to show the world that pastors are people too. God bless you brother! 🙂

  3. Don Reeves

    You have my admiration, respect and love. Along with my prayers.

  4. Rick Hahn

    Steve, you are special! I remember when I had a time of depression and went on medication, you told me your story and did everything which you outlined! Thank you for being there when I needed a voice of understanding!

  5. Sheri Hilde

    I have found that when people say negative things about someone, it is to make them feel worse so they feel better. That is twisted. Unfortunately, people who are truly good, Godly, and generous of heart and spirit get it the worst. You are loved and respected. We, as a congregation are very lucky to have such a person to lead and teach us. Thank you for being who you are. I consider you a great friend!

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