Dispatches From the Edge

Most of last week was lost to the fog and darkness of depression and anxiety. Friday morning the fog began to lift and I once again could see light and life. Thanks for praying for me.

This morning (12.6.10) I was reading the 25th Psalm. Verses 6-7 (ESV) read like this:

Remember your mercy, O LORD, and your steadfast love,
   for they have been from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
   according to your steadfast love remember me,
   for the sake of your goodness, O LORD!

I prayed that God would not remember me according to my sin, my fleshly failures, my lustful heart, but that God would remember me according to His steadfast love. I remember my sin too well. The adversary takes pleasure in reminding me moment by moment of how sin should disqualify me from God’s service. I desperately need God to remember me according to His goodness, according to His revealed nature.

All this has prompted me to ponder: As I come to know God more fully (and thinking rightly about God is absolutely crucial…(see Dr. Mohler’s post at http://www.albertmohler.com/2010/12/03/the-knowledge-of-the-self-revealing-god-starting-point-for-the-chrisutian-worldview/ ). Late last week someone retweeted a note from DA Carson that suggested the greatest failure in American evangelicalism is a lack of knowledge of God. This morning I read a post from James Emery White at www.churchandculture.org overviewing a book titled, America’s Four Gods which suggests a great deal of confusion among American’s about the nature of God. All this to say…too often I as a pastor and teacher am guilty of communicating a wrong idea of God. My deepest hunger is to know Him accurately- even if that takes me through the fog and darkness of depression. It is in those valley’s I must trust His presence because I cannot feel anything but discouragement and anxiety. It is in those days and weeks (yes, sometimes the fog lasts for weeks…) that I must depend on God to remember me according to His mercy, His steadfast love and His grace.

Well, it’s Monday…and I am slated to lead my Pastor’s Bible Class in a few minutes (we are studying together 1 Samuel 18-20 this morning) so I’d best get to the auditorium!



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